2002 Atwood Ave, Madison, WI, 53704 / TELETHERAPY / 920.215.1254

Grief Counseling in Madison

Teletherapy throughout Wisconsin, Kentucky, and Oregon

The Unbearable Tidal Wave Of Grief

The tears won’t stop. The grief hits you like a tidal wave. Your chest and heart feel so heavy. Your heart is holding so much sadness. Sometimes it’s a panicky feeling. Or your throat clenches up. Your stomach hurts. You haven't been able to sleep or eat. Or all you do is sleep or turn to food to numb the pain. When will the grief end? How do I move on from this loss?

The regret is so intense. You find yourself talking and thinking about the loss all the time. You can’t stop thinking about what you could have done differently. You keep replaying the past. The thoughts won’t stop. I should have…I could have, but I didn’t…. 

People tell you to move on or to stop crying. Your grief is seen as a personal failing or disease. Dominant culture labels your grief as “prolonged” or “pathological.”

How Can Grief Counseling Help You?

Grief counseling can be a space to address your pain surrounding the loss or losses you have experienced. Your grief isn’t a problem to be solved, but something to be understood in deep and complex ways. Psychodynamic therapy views the reality of loss as inherent to the human experience.

During sessions, we work together to honor and name the losses you have experienced. We may also also address unconscious thoughts and feelings about the loss that may be causing you more suffering. Therapy for grief and loss is about understanding the meaning of the losses to you and your life. This modality also centers how the loss relates to your connection to others, significant relationships, and your multiple social identities. We will allow for the full range of your feelings about the loss–including those that are difficult to feel or name. For example, sometimes people feel relief after a loss, but this is taboo to say out loud. In grief counseling, all your feelings and thoughts about the loss are welcomed in an atmosphere of care and curiosity.

Grief Is Complex And Occurs Within Larger Systems

Dominant culture has a tendency to view grief as a problem to be solved. Pathologizing the grieving process doesn’t help anyone and results in shame. 

Each person grieves in their own unique way. There isn’t a wrong way to grieve. Most of the time, people just need the space and loving support to grieve in the way that’s best for them. The systems we live and work in often don’t give us the space and time we need to grieve. We’re pushed to quickly go back to work or school. Even our religious institutions can send a message that we’re grieving for “too long.”

Grief and loss don’t take place in a vacuum. Social, political, and cultural systems both impact and create grief. Understanding the systems at play in each loss is an important part of the grieving process. And while each loss matters, some losses are more stigmatized or dismissed than others,  especially for those belonging to marginalized communities or identities. Atypical or ambiguous losses are just as valid and important to honor.

Grieving Is Necessary

We love. We grieve. Grief measures the depth and intensity of our attachment and love for people, places, experiences, and other living beings. Grief is the emotional and physical pain, or the reaction, that results from loss. It is communication from our body that must be listened to.

Grieving may be understood as the process tasked with coping with that pain. It contains both active and passive phases and various emotional states. It measures the depth and breadth of our affection and devotion to other living beings, as well as to places and situations.

We grieve because we’re attached. Grief is the natural condition of an open heart. Many times, dominant culture and society inhibit grieving. The course of grieving is the built-in healing process for the soul. Grieving is healing. The human body, soul, and mind are innately equipped to heal. We can either foster this process or stifle it. Can you be a doula to your grief?

Signs Of The Grieving Process

The grieving process doesn’t always manifest in a way that’s understandable. It takes time. These are some signs of grieving. These are all OK and expected. 

  • Nausea or upset stomach 

  • A sense of panic

  • Tightness in the throat

  • Heaviness in the chest

  • Loss of appetite or an inability to eat or overeating

  • Chronic fatigue

  • Feeling that the loss is not real and that it did not really happen

  • Intense preoccupation with the loss

  • Withdrawing from others and the world

  • Questioning or doubting one’s spiritual or religious beliefs

  • Feeling betrayed by one’s faith or belief in a higher power

  • Anger due to feeling abandoned or left behind

  • Sensing the presence of the loved one who was lost (this may be their voice, an image, or smell, for example)

  • A need to tell and retell remembered aspects of what was lost 

  • Crying at unexpected times, “grief bursts”

  • Guilt or anger over incidents that may or may not have occurred in your relationship with the person who was lost

  • Regret and second-guessing past actions

Grief looks different for each person. It may look like depression– sad or low mood, loneliness or isolating from others, irritability, loss of interest in life, and a slowing down of the body. Someone who’s grieving may work hard to avoid the pain of loss through the use of substances or staying busy. If you’re struggling after a loss or major change in your life, grief counseling in can help you move through your natural grieving process.

Grief Counseling Can Help You Find Life After Loss

Grieving is not linear. Only you can determine whether you’ve finished grieving a particular loss or whether it may always color your life in some way. Sometimes, we may need to shape our life around the loss. Therapy for grief will center your wisdom in this experience.

My approach to grief counseling normalizes your unique grieving process. We will acknowledge the larger systems surrounding you that have impacted your ability to grieve and move forward with your life. We will broaden and expand the definition of loss to include experiences of betrayal, unexpected endings, and the loss of what never was or what could have been. Loss can also include the loss of not getting what you needed– especially as it relates to your early needs as a child or young person. Finding life after significant losses or disappointments includes reimagining something new for yourself and finally going for what you want and desire.

Maybe You Are Considering Grief Counseling, But Still Have A Few Questions…

  • Grieving is not a linear process with a clear ending. Only you can determine whether you’ve finished grieving a particular loss or whether it may always color your life in some way. Grieving is a complex journey of back-and-forth, forwards-and-backwards, repeatedly working through. Each time coming around to find ourselves a little different, our perspective a little bigger, our energy a little more settled.

  • I will support you in your natural grieving process so that you can continue to live your life and also stay connected to the important memories and moments from the past. In our work together, your grieving will be accepted and seen for the normal, healing process that it is. It won’t be about forgetting what was lost. We will help you experience and be able to feel the full extent of your loss for the purpose of healing. We will name and honor unresolved, unrecognized, or stigmatized losses. We will discover what remains– the memories and the lessons learned— and discover what’s possible for your future. We will honor the past. You don’t have to do this alone.

The Transformational Nature Of Grief

Grief can feel unbearable at times and never ending. You don’t have to go through this alone. Seeking out grief counseling in can provide a path forward to make sense of the loss, understand your experience in a deeper way, and keep living.

To experience this, please call  920.215.1254, email, or contact me to schedule a 30-minute complimentary phone or video consultation to find out how grief counseling can help you experience a renewed sense of possibility and meaning for your life. I look forward to hearing from you.